What are my Rights as a Father after Divorce?

Many fathers are uninformed regarding child custody or visitation after divorce. One common myth is that the mother’s requests are given priority in determining custody, and that the father must comply. Don’t miss out on being a part of your child’s life. You have the same rights as your ex-wife, unless stated otherwise by the court. Here are four rights you have as a father:

The right to be the custodial parent: In decades past, mothers largely won primary custody of their children without much protest. In recent years, more fathers have been granted custody during divorce proceedings. As more women have started working full-time even after the birth of their children, more fathers are adopting the role as primary caregiver. The court will ultimately consider the best situation for your child when granting custody.

The right to be involved: You have the right to spend quality time with your child, which means you have the right to visitation. You can and should maintain a consistent schedule so that you and your child can spend plenty of time together. 

The right to co-parent: If parents are equally involved in parenting before divorce, the court often opts to maintain a similarly equal schedule for the child after divorce. The rules and regulations for co-parenting are different in every state, but hiring a divorce lawyer that knows these rules is crucial to obtaining your rights. Courts often request proof that you and your ex-spouse are capable of communicating effectively to make decisions for your child.

The right to assist decision-making: If you are in a co-parenting custody arrangement, you have the right to assist is making decisions concerning your child’s education, health and religion. 

Keep in mind Georgia requires unmarried fathers to legitimate the child before rights to custody or visitation is considered in court.

Telling Kids About Divorce: 5 Mistakes to Avoid

Being aware of your actions and words as a parent can single handedly alter the severity divorce has on a child.  From a legal perspective, the way a parent interacts with his or her child can influence child custody, visitation, and parental rights in Georgia. The courts are interested in determining which parent is acting in the best interest of a child, so it is imperative to act responsibly to protect your children’s emotions from the stresses of divorce. Here are a few suggestions of what not to say or do when communicating with your child about your divorce.

Avoid giving children too many “adult details”—It is important to consider your child’s age when speaking to him or her about your divorce. The majority of the time a child will not understand, nor do they need to know, if you are getting a divorce because of issues that relate to intimacy, money, abuse or addiction of any kind. It is best to leave the conversation as simple as possible with your child and not get into specifics.   Too many parents fall into the trap of thinking “hey my child asked me and I didn’t want to lie” and “I just wanted the child to know the truth” and “I didn’t think fast enough to think of something else to say”.  What you should say instead is “both your mom and your dad love you very much”.  And if you say it over and over again that will not hurt you, no matter how much you want to say something else.  As a matter of fact, watch closely as you say it and you will see the relief in the child’s body language.

Remind children that they still have a present mom and dad—Divorce can make a child feel like they are losing a parent, so it is imperative to express to a child that they will still have two parents present in their life.  Be sensitive, listen and make yourself available to discuss divorce in a mature way. Prove with your actions that you are present and available.

It’s their fault—Reminding a child that they are not to blame for the divorce is essential to helping children cope with divorce. Children need to be reassured that they did not do anything wrong, and that divorce is an adult issue. Children tend to personalize divorce in many cases, so make it perfectly clear that they’re not at fault. 

Don’t ask them to choose sides—Asking a child to choose one parent over the other is not fair to the child and can result in resentment later on down the road. Furthermore, a court will tend to not give custody to the parent who is willfully jeopardizing the other parent-child relationship, as doing so is emotionally damaging.

Dogging out the other spouse- While going through a divorce is emotional, it is vital that the parents do not lash out at the other, or talk badly about each other in front of the children. It is unhealthy for the child to hear their mom or dad being called negative words by the other. Defaming your ex-spouse can also be held against you in court and can affect the outcome of a custody hearing.

When interacting with children, be merciful and kind, and remember that divorce is a problem between two adults. 

Mary posts regularly on her Georgia Family Law Blog. Read more... 

Divorce Recovery: Keeping Your New Years Resolutions

After a divorce, everyone wants to start the new year with resolutions for a healthier and happier life, but too often those plans are forgotten in just a few weeks. This year, stick to your goals and stay motivated with these five simple tips.

• Make a Plan: After going through a divorce, decide on a few goals, and make a plan. "Getting organized" is a great goal, but it isn't a plan. Start the year off by making a plan for how you will succeed in 2011. Ask yourself: what kind of life do I want this year? Be as specific as possible, and outline a series of steps for reaching your goal. Evaluate your plan for difficulties and potential points of failure, and determine solutions to those problems before they arise. Write out your plan, and revisit it frequently to make sure that you're on the right track.

•  Set Realistic and Measurable Goals: Going through a divorce is difficult, so be realistic about your divorce recovery. Make sure to set realistic and measurable goals for your success. Write out your goals and put them somewhere that you will see every day, like your bathroom mirror or on your refrigerator. A visual reminder will help to reinforce your motivation and remind you that in order to succeed, you must reach for it every day.

• Reward Your Successes: The point of resolutions is to improve your life and better yourself, so when you successfully reach a milestone, celebrate it! Treat yourself, but don't lose sight of your goals. Divorce recovery is a difficult process, so be proud of the little things you do to change for the better. Pick a reward for yourself that doesn't conflict with the overall goals you are reaching for.

• Don't Fret Failure: The hardest part of succeeding is failing, and no one reaches success without a lot of failures on the way. Reaching personal goals isn't like flipping on a light switch; if the goals you've set were that simple, you would have already done them. Accept that along your path to improvement you will have setbacks, failures, and disappointments. Don't let a little setback derail your plans. When you fail to meet a goal or reach a milestone let that disappointment motivate you to push yourself harder towards the next one.

• Don't Be Afraid to Ask: As much as we'd all like to be experts at everything, its just not possible. If you reach a point on your path to success where you feel lost, confused, or unsure of how to continue, ask someone. In this amazing age of technology and connectivity, the answers to almost any question are just a few clicks away. The internet is full of others in your same situation, with your same questions. Post a question on a message board, email an expert, or find a local resource to help clear your confusion. If you’re considering divorce, talk to a family law attorney. With a nearly unlimited pool of information and resources available, you can quickly find someone to guide you through your decisions.

No matter what your New Year's Resolutions are, these tips will help you achieve your goals, and lead you to a happier, more fulfilled 2011. 

Read more on www.stearns-law.com

New Year, New You: Life After Divorce

The holidays can be difficult and trying for many families, especially for those dealing with relationship stress or divorce.  Whether you're recently divorced or going through a divorce, 2011 is the perfect time to re-frame the way you think about your future.  A few small changes to the way you think can vastly improve your life, your happiness, and your well-being.  You've heard it a million times: be positive. If you're going through a dark time, hearing "be positive" seems like trite over simplification, but people are generally inclined respond emotionally to what our bodies do. If you vow to smile, calm down, and stop complaining, you will feel better. At the very least, it will make you a more approachable person, and your interactions with friends and family will be much easier. Don't fixate: Let 2011 be the year where you stop dwelling and fixating on the details of your divorce and your relationship. Replaying arguments and stressful situations causes pain. Focus on moving forward, and vow not to dwell on events that hurt you in the past. If something hurt you in the past, thinking about it over and over will only hurt you in the present.  In life, there is no audience: During a divorce you go through every little detail of your life with your ex, your family law attorney, and probably your family and friends. While these details can be important to the court, in reality, you're not being scrutinized by every single person you interact with. Keep in mind that other adults probably don't have time in their busy lives to judge your every move. The failures and "crazy" moments you have are much more pronounced in your own mind, so there's no need to feel self-conscious about them forever.  Develop a strong network: If you've separated from a spouse or have recently divorced, it's natural to feel lonely, but don't let it last forever. Be brave enough to seek out new friends, even if you feel like a fish out of water at first.  Celebrate: If you've lived with sadness and stress, you've probably developed some habits that keep you from feeling good. Fight your instincts, and be willing to celebrate your life, even if it feels wrong at first. Get out of the house, talk to people, smile, and think about the amazing future you can have.  No matter how you feel right now, remember that your divorce will end, and your sadness won't last forever. 2011 is the perfect time to reinvent yourself and to become the person you want to be.

Read Mary's Family Law Blog on stearns-law.com.