Holiday Tips for Divorced Parents

For most families, the holidays can be a stressful time. Between coordinating hectic schedules, traveling, and making plans, parents rarely have time to relax. If you share custody of your children with an ex, juggling the holiday schedules can be even more exhausting. Here are a few tips to help keep holidays exciting and fun.

1) Make a Schedule and Stick to it — This might be the easiest way to keep complications from arising. Make a schedule for the holidays, and coordinate with your ex. Make sure your ex understands your plans, and make sure you understand his or hers. Be clear and dependable.

2) Be a good communicator — Don’t play head games or make your ex guess what your plans are. Remember that the person you’ve divorced is still the father or mother of your children, and hopefully he or she is just as concerned about their well being as you are.

3) Be respectful of your ex — If your ex-husband or wife celebrates the holidays differently than you do, be respectful. Don’t damage the other parent’s reputation or attack their beliefs and traditions. Your children deserve to admire both of their parents.

4) Be open about gift giving — Talk to your ex about what to give your children so you don’t buy the same thing. This conversation might even give you some helpful insight when you’re deciding what to buy.

5) Let your kids call — Since you’re not all together, encourage your kids to reach out and call the other parent. It can be hard on a child to miss a parent on the holidays. Encourage communication; this shows your kids that you’re committed to their happiness.

6) Don’t sabotage a celebration — Don’t show up at a party your ex has planned for your child. Allow them to celebrate happily without divorce tension. For kids, having a birthday with dad and another with mom can be twice as much fun.

7) It’s Not A Contest— If your ex makes more (or less) money than you do, remember that gifts and holiday trips aren’t a contest. When your kids are adults, they’re not going to remember the gaming system you bought them: they’re going to remember how much time you spent with them.

8) Remind yourself to be loving — Even though you’re divorced, show your children that their family experiences can still be wonderful. Be loving, and allow your children to love and enjoy time with both of their parents.

Key Questions to Ask Your Divorce Lawyer

Finding the right family law attorney to guide you through a divorce is essential.  A good divorce lawyer will strategize on your behalf while walking you through the stressful and legally complex divorce process.  As family law attorneys, our job is to be protective of our clients. A divorce lawyer should be assertive, knowledgeable, and determined to help clients find creative solutions to multifaceted problems.

There are a few questions you should ask when choosing a divorce lawyer:

1)   “What type of law do you specialize in?”

An effective divorce lawyer will have expert knowledge of child support, custody, alimony, and spousal support. He or she will also understand the intense dynamics involved in a divorce case, and can help walk clients through the procedures.

2)   “How long have you practiced family law? Do you have any certifications or specialties?” 

It’s important to understand your divorce lawyer’s background so that you’re able to find a qualified and experienced representative.

3)   “Do you recommend collaborative divorce?” 

Collaborative divorce can be a wonderful alternative to traditional divorce when handled correctly. Unlike mediation, clients can have their divorce lawyers present for advice during the collaborative process. The process remains positive, respectful, and interest-based while still allowing clients their legal assets. 

4)   “Who will be working on my case?” 

Many practices will allow family law attorneys to support each other on certain cases, but a good family law attorney will understand that divorce is personal, and accessibility is important.

5)   “What are your hourly fees?” 

While this question may seem awkward, it’s easier to ask up front than to be surprised by a bill.  If you’re on a budget, have an open dialogue before the process begins.

6)   “Are you familiar with this jurisdiction?”  

In family law cases, the courts have quite a bit of legal power to decide what is best for the family.  You will want someone who is either familiar, or has a lot of access to those who may be familiar, with how the court will handle your type of case.

Mary is an Atlanta Family Law attorney who blogs regularly at Stearns-Law.com